Support Group at RNSH

A couple of weeks ago I attended a support group at Royal North Shore Hospital (RNSH). It was primarily aimed at an "older" audience, although there was another lady near my age, Kim, who also attended.

It became very clear that not only different age groups, but also people, have different concerns and at times approaches to life and living with an ICD. The best example of this was an older patient exclaiming that she used to do everything right and still had a cardiac arrest. So post arrest and having an ICD inserted, she no longer takes things too seriously and instead indulges in a nightcap or two...on most nights. I guess we all have different ways in dealing with things, and major events like a health scare can motivate us to live life quite differently to the way we did before.

Kim pointed out this difference and outlined that due to having two young kids to look after (plus heart health complications), her concern is prolonging her life as long as possible. So for her, there is no indulging in a nightcap or any alcohol in fact at all, ever.

Myself on the other hand, I like to employ the more balanced French/Italian/Greek way of living: having the odd small glass of wine with a meal. Good for the blood and circulation I say!

There were two speakers organised for the day:

1. The lady spoke about needing to understand everything that was (medically) happening and taking control over her own care.
2. The man spoke about having a complete life turnaround. He used to be a high-flying successful business owner who worked too many hours, didn't exercise and ate and drank really badly. Since his arrest he's sold his business, exercises 5 times a week and enjoys spending a lot more time with his family and friends.

It was interesting to see the differences between the two speakers. The floor was also opened up to the audience over a lead discussion, as well as a question and answer. Even thought quite a few experiences were revealed, it was reassuring to see the differences and also know that most people felt very similarly about having and living with an ICD. I think it's important to connect with others going through a similar experience so you don't feel as isolated or alone. Family and friends can be supportive but unless they've been through the same experience, they just don't get it.

As much as I need to understand what's logically going on with my heart and why what happened did happen, I'm afraid there aren't any certain answers for me. I've been working hard to let this go so I can go on with my life and live without fear. So I've taken the more high-level, focus on what I can control type of approach. Similarly to the gentleman speaker, what has changed drastically for me are my values and consequently the way I live my life. I've given myself no option but to prioritise regular exercise (3-5 times a week). I feel that's one major positive thing I can do not only towards my recovery, but more importantly for my long term health and vitality. Never before in my life have I had this clarity, motivation and dedication towards my exercise and well being. As the noise drops away, things seem a lot more simpler too and life more enjoyable.

I'm looking forward to attending the next ICD Support Group at RNSH later this year. It's supposed to be aimed at a younger target audience and have a large focus on exercise with an ICD. I bet I will have a lot to offer to the conversation!

Wake, Eat, Live, Sleep, Repeat.

I'm tired. As I'm writing this I'm sitting on a stool slumping over the bench and my iPad. I've been wanting to write for a while but haven't had the energy nor the time. My hubby went back to work a month ago and honestly...I'm still adjusting to doing everything on my own, including looking after our one year old daughter. He's a great help when he gets home from work, but I feel like stuff (chores, cleaning, organising) are never ending. I've been overwhelmed at times. I'm getting irritated. I go to bed and fall asleep immediately from exhaustion.

I understand that all parents are tired, but I sense that my tiredness is on another heart-related level. I think I've been neglecting the fact that my capacity is not the same as someone else's (with no health issues).

What's been compounding that is that after a recent reassessment, I've realised my personal values were in the wrong order. I have been putting family and friends first. Noble, sure, maybe? But the reality is that if I don't look after myself then I won't have much to offer my family or friends or anyone else for that matter. So I put health first. This has changed my life and given me purpose, consistency and routine. Not bad things during a (emotionally and physically) tumultuous time.

Wake up, brekkie, gym/or walk, grocery shopping, lunch, cook, eat, sleep. Add a dose of housework and lots of playing with Zoe in between all that stuff. Repeat.

Some days are a struggle to do any of that apart from eat and sleep. I try and listen to my body (it's hard, my mind is quite overpowering and pushes me to over commit and overextend myself) but some things, like keeping my daughter alive and happy, must be done. 

I've had to slow way down. I feel like I'm at 50% capacity i.e. doing half the amount of stuff I did before and have had to make changes to my life accordingly. I've tried to be creative in my approach because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't be everything to everyone. That concept is so unrealistic and unattainable, causes constant unnecessary angst and stress...but that's another topic.

Here are some things that I've been doing.

Minimised social commitments. Particularly during the week. My motto is now low key and quality over quantity. Major life events make people realise things: if any of my "friends" didn't come see me post cardiac arrest either in the hospital or later at home, then I won't be going out of my way to see them...or probably ever talk to them again either. So that also minimises the amount of people "in rotation" in our social calendar.

Prioritising. I can't do everything. I can barely do half the stuff I did. Realistically some things slip, so I find it easier to let things slide once I've prioritised what's important and what's less important. And then not feeling guilty about the things that do slip!

Organised a house cleaner. They can be pricey here in Australia, so I've booked one in for once a fortnight only. I'll be paying her out of my personal budget. It means a few less lunches out but the way I've been living lately, that's not an issue as I'm primarily home bound by choice.

Online shopping. They deliver the groceries to my house and place them on my kitchen bench. Convenient and considering I'm still not allowed to drive, necessary. Any bits and bobs that I need (fresh fruit, veggies and meat) I pick up after the gym each day from my local grocer/butcher.

More online shopping. Yep, don't even want to go to a shopping center to shop for fashion or cosmetics or presents. I order that shit online and it gets delivered to my door.

Ask for help. I delegate tasks to Chris, particularly lifting heavy stuff like piles of washing. I also now take up my friends' offers to help wash the dishes when they come over for a meal. And my new cleaner? I've asked her for (paid) help because I can't keep up with the housework.

Image borrowed from www.nsf.gov.

Automate and mechanise. I'm truly embracing industrialisation by using machines like there's no tomorrow. Some days the dishwasher does two loads; I put most things in there now! Hanging washing? I don't think so. I'm pulling that stuff from the washing machine and putting it straight into the dryer. I'm cutting out steps where I can. Sure our electricity bill is slightly higher but it's worth my sanity and energy.

Batch food preparation. If I'm making something that can be frozen, I will make extra to freeze some portions. That way if I don't feel like cooking one day, I can defrost and have something quick and easy on hand.

Saying "NO". Hard for me to do when I've spent my life trying to make others and myself happy. But no choice. Used in the correct way, "NO" can be very powerful and liberating. It helps set limitations, boundaries and expectations.

Sleep. My average generally is eight hours a night. Some nights I've slept nine or 10 hours and still don't feel like it's enough. If I don't get enough sleep I can't function and find that my energy levels are greatly affected. Most nights it's hard to drop stuff and force myself to go to sleep, but this is where the prioritising comes in handy.

I'm getting there - to whatever my new normal is meant to be. I feel like I'm getting organised but my energy levels are still not where I want them to be. I'm still focusing on my rehabilitation and finding a new groove in my life. It will take time and I'm understanding now, that's OK.